COME ON MAMA, KILL ME!





COME ON MAMA, KILL ME!*

“A gift to myself for my 40th birthday”

As how you dismissed me from your abdomen
To this world knitted with gloom words
like blood, like hell, like lava
- Come on mama, kill me!
The desolation that I am accumulating to as I overshot myself
Desert nights to my voice of which reflections are blurred
I am decreasing to every tone of the Blue from far away
Suffering which is spelled on my hair is being combed to the Loneliness 
- Come on mama, kill me! 
(The intersection of the daisies and my mom is zero
When I add up my mom to the sparrows, the result is nothing)
Mama, I am 40 hand verses shot in the heart of the life
Maybe “I can't write a whim even I be 40 poets at once”¹
But I am a spring morning butonned to the wings of the sparrows
I am a fun fair mid-afternoon in the cheerful palms of the kids
But, you again forget me to the tomorrow, consider me as nothing into the present, reduce me from the yesterday
Mama, am I 40 troubles to you or 40 disappointments
Because I couldn't say “I was loving my epaulettes one day”² 
- Come on mama, kill me! 
The meridians of my face are bleeding to the history of the Hope
Anger on my beard shushing the Darkness
The geometry of my eyes is mumbling the insanity alphabet
My youngness with internal bleeding is being kissed from the forehead of the street
Mama, how can my heart coated with so much orphanhood be cleaned up
Geez, your property won't become old, you again reduce me from your home 
- Come on mama, kill me! 
(When I take the derivative of my mom, here comes the Sorrow
When I add up my mom to the rain, the result is nothing)
As how you dismissed me from your abdomen
To this world knitted with gloom words
like blood, like hell, like lava 
- Come on mama, kill me!

SERKAN ENGIN

* “Come on master, kill me” Bilge Karasu
¹ Haydar Ergulen
² Turgut Uyar